We did it. We ran out of Shrek content. Your hosts are older, more cynical, and arguably dumber now. We reflect on what we've learned, what Shrek is, why Shrek is, our podspirations, and which ogre baby has the will to power. This has been fun and we thank you for listening. See you when Shrek 5 comes slithering out of Jeffrey Katzenberg's birth canal.
Your hosts have said a lot of things about Shrek over the course of this podcast, but it's high time we heard from the common folk, the everyman, the hoi polloi. Is Shrek simply funny musical? Does it walk the line like The Simpsons? Do the disc ever wear out?? To find out, Alicia has scoured the depths of Amazon to bring you the finest in fawning, harsh, bizarre, and puzzling user reviews. This is a long one, and it is worth it. This week: fairtale critters [sic], foam-injected Splenda, blasphemous spoofs, Rapunzel's cancer, solid kiddie Pokemon, Bob (not gay), and the worst book Trish has ever read. TW: we read a couple reviews from people that are very upset about LGBT content. They're not terribly virulent, but if you would rather not hear that sort of thing, skip the segments at 41:20-45:05 and 51:40-55:45.
Possibly based on a half-remembered recommendation or (more likely) our own rotting brains, this week we watched an insane animated film from 2004 that has nothing to do with Shrek called Boo, Zino, & the Snurks. This week: the self-explanatory nature of Snurks, Han Solo with brain damage, God is a useless old man, and mailing Homer Simpson's ear to Matt Groening. To the rescue!
We listen to the (largely irrelevant) soundtracks from Shrek the Third and Shrek Forever After. This week: Zep plays Ellis Island, alt-right Ferguson Darling, Tiny Minogue, depressing karaoke failures, and Alicia lectures kids these days with the tale of the 8-day Sailor Saturn download.
Content!! We listen to the original motion picture soundtracks from Shrek and Shrek 2. This week: campus Kazaa, Danny Glover's lazy drag alter-ego, translating Dido, Alicia infuriates Evanescence fans, and Dan dares to suggest any theme park can compare to Cedar Point.
We finally finish up the DVD content with Shrek Forever After special features. This week: backhanded yearbook compliments, Liverpool is not in Scotland, the best/worst DVD menus to fuck to, lepperkins, a burlap shawl, and Dreamworks logos for the blind. H.A.G.S.!
Happy new year! We're still doing this! This week: Dan grapples with respecting Ryan Seacrest, universal applications of My Dinner With Andre, the amazing feats of the single father, Andy Rooney hates literacy, and chaos agent Jeffrey Katzenberg throws more bullshit in the air.
With no commentary track to guide us, we jump into the deep end of special features for the worst of the Shrek films (need we specify? it's the third one, dummy). This week: Archie, Winnie the Pooh, and other animated properties much more pleasant to look at than Shrek, X-Men-FL, raccoons fucking dogs, powdered wooden butts, the Camelot high school spinoff that wasn't, and the Shrek producers finally admit on camera that their old animations were shit. And that's The Donkey Dance!
Our plans to watch Shrek the Third with commentary track were foiled by it not existing. However, Shrek 2 had two commentary tracks, so that's what we did! Oh, and porn. This week: footjob spa, hyper-specific caption porn, Rumpy's BDSM contracts, Cameron Diaz and the burp heard 'round the world, useless brainstorms, and Dragon's Choice.
Shrek 2 doesn't have quite as much exciting bonus content as the first movie, but somehow we made do with only 2 hours' worth. This week: fuckin HP shills, THE VOTE FOR SHRECK AND FEONIE, spider arms, Dan tries to kickstart some Reboot nostalgia, and the Puss in Boots/Conquistador/New World theory.
This time we watched Shrek 2 with directors' commentary track. It's what we did, here it is. This week: gratuitive pooting, the naked movie that almost was, the many instances of biggest laughs in the film, Alicia sympathizes (too much?) with cheating celebrities, Shirley Bassey's bush, the head-shrinkers in La-La-Land, and Dan shares some depressing anecdotes.
The 2-disc Shrek DVD boasts several hours' worth of special features in addition to the 45 minutes you will spend trying to make some of them work on the damn DVD-ROM shit. We looked at as many of them as we could tolerate. This week: reverse centaurs, Paul Oakenfeld plays the Aragon, xShrekxEdgexSoberxLifex, freaky-ass banana cosplay sex, Swedish vampires, The Indignities Suffered Upon John Lithgow, Alicia the fame monster, and the putting of eggs in a Baha Men Basket. Or, as balls-trippin baby Dan would say, THIS IS JUST LIKE THE "WAITING FOR TONIGHT" VIDEO!
We were all set to watch some more special features, then an election happened. At the risk of sounding maudlin, it turns out it's incredibly difficult to watch something you hate when everything else going on is already so hateful. So this episode, we did what depressed artists do: get fucked up and talk shit. We set out to make each other laugh for an afternoon, and we succeeded. We hope you enjoy it, and if not, we'll be back to your favorite Scottish fartsman next week.
We delve into the ancient medium of the DVD for a treasure trove of new bullshit in the form of filmmakers' commentary tracks. This week: a parking lot full of horse skeletons, Mike Myers' waifu, women swiveling around their tampons, Meg Ryan's biblical origins, and our favorite character, the Sun.
Continuation of last week's conversation about this thing that was allowed to happen. Listen to part one first, ya dummy!
We've been teasing it since the beginning and here it goddamn is, Shrek the Goddamn Fucking Musical. This is a two-parter, folks. This (and next) week: the Shrek/Birdman connection, "naughty musicals," deflated Al Roker-looking motherfuckers, Broadway's take on German rubbersuit porn, stickin' it to The Lion King, farting back and forth forever, Dan figures out the Budweiser joke, Whitman's Samplers, and so many other things, just listen for reals.
TW: We give you a heads-up before saying it in the episode itself, but this contains a transphobic slur because we talk about it being in the musical. Yes, it's in this musical, this play for children.
Will we ever run out of content? Not as long as Dreamworks and Netflix have anything to say about it—AND THEY DO. The Adventures of Puss in Boots is an (awful) original Netflix series for children, because they will watch anything. This week: gourd-women are easy to animate, child proxy pigs spelling out subtext, Jack McBrayer's assisted suicide plea, and Alicia and Dan both fall asleep because this show is terrible, it's really bad.
Your hosts welcome real-life licensed Shrek content creator Joey Clift (@joeytainment, Cartoon Network, SyFy, DreamWorks TV, truTV, National Geographic Wild, 25 Minutes of Silence, You Should Love Wrestling, oh boy a lot more), writer for the DreamworksTV video series Swamp Talk and Shrek For President. This week: writing Shrek without watching Shrek, which Far Far Away character is Bernie Sanders, and why Shrek cannot—nay, must not—get diabetes.
Your hosts welcome fellow Shrek-based comedy maker Alicia Hawkes (Virginia's Harem, @aliciahawkes) for a conversation about making fun out of nothing at all (the "nothing" is Shrek). This week: Billy Joel is the Shrek of the music industry, how Chris Tucker could make Shrek even worse, the "real ogre" the franchise is based upon, and Alicia (Kraft) tricks Dan into saying a lot of cat/celebrity pun names.
Rounding out their expedition into the shadowy realms of the Extended Shrekiverse, your hosts dive into some Puss in Boots shorts (Puss in Boots: The 3 Diablos, Puss in Boots Audition Tapes, and Puss in Boots Cat Premiere). This week: fan theories about the Bakshi Boys, puking up a little beehive, Dan is irrationally confused by fish stick jokes, and the fart spec script that will make us all a million dollars. And, lest the universe forget: Alicia really, really likes cats.